Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Ultimate Martial-Arts Book Review

I've been asked a number of times, "Is it possible to learn martial arts from a book?" Many scoff at such an idea, and until recently so did I. Then I chanced upon a literary treasure trove of martial arts so profound that it left me breathless. The Invisible Fist of the Ninja is unparalleled at imparting the secret techniques and wisdom of martial arts' ultimate system: Ninjitsu! How can ninja techniques that have been shrouded in secrecy for centuries suddenly be available for common laypeople? I have no idea. Now available online, this amazing work is destined to become a classic. Some excerpts:

Attacker attempts to grab you. Simply show him your bruised and calloused hands from years of ninja training. Game Over!

I wish I had thought up this next one. So simple it has to work:

Attacker attempts to punch you. Crouch down like a frog, and presto — you're invisible!

As the reader advances in deadly ninja skill, rank is signified not with silly colored belts but by progressively scarier masks that arrive automatically in the mail. Please look away if this frightens you.

DISCLAIMER: Invisible Fist is not for the squeamish or the undisciplined. Proceed with caution if you must. Only the most serious and dedicated of martial-art practitioners should study this work. You have been warned!