Bizarre Self-Defense

An email I received entitled "13 Things Your Burglar Won't Tell You" included a piece about one Val Glinka who teaches a peculiar self-defense tip at an Ohio public school. Apparently this story has been circulating for a couple of years but this is the first time I've seen it. Here's the gist of it:

Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at Sylvania Southview High School . For decades, he's suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray near your door or bed.

Glinka says, "This is better than anything I can teach them."

Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone tries to break into your home, Glinka says, "spray the culprit in the eyes". It's a tip he's given to students for decades.

It's also one he wants everyone to hear. If you're looking for protection, Glinka says look to the spray.

"That's going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out."

With a little research we find that this Val Glinka does exist and the story about insecticide as a crime deterrent may not be all hooey. There are, however, legal ramifications involving the use of a product controlled by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) for purposes other than its intended design. Interestingly, using a Louisville Slugger for purposes other than baseball doesn't bear exactly the same liability.

I'm not convinced bug spray would actually be more effective than pepper spray in a self-defense scenario such as a break-in. Actually, I have my doubts. Just keep your doors locked at night and keep that baseball bat handy.

Cultivating Wisdom

The classic Chinese text, the Bubishi, was passed down through numerous generations of teachers to students of quanfa (kung fu) until it finally arrived in Okinawa in the mid-to-late 1800s where it had a profound impact on the development of karate. A diverse tome, the Bubishi covers an array of subjects on martial arts such as fighting techniques, healing methods, and philosophy.

I'm not an advocate of gleaning self-defense methods from a book, and traditional Chinese medicine is commonly viewed as snake oil by even modern Chinese physicians. But the following portion of this ancient text, ideas clearly inspired by Daoism, Confucianism and Zen, are timeless tenets to live by for anyone in any culture.

Laws of Wisdom

1. Let anger be your enemy.
2. Remember, an empty vessel makes the most noise.
3. Patience is the foundation upon which security and long life rest.
4. Know well your station in life.
5. Trustworthy reputations are only gained from virtuous merit.
6. Success is the fruit of the strong and wise.
7. Delay is the best remedy for anger.
8. Those who will be enlightened are the ones who live moderate lives, have simple tastes, consume natural foods, and pursue the wisdom of the sages.
9. Remain honest in your heart, true to your discipline, and refrain from overindulgence, and you will enjoy great rewards in life.
10. Mind your manners and your own business.
11. Discretion is the better part of valor.
12. The barriers of human achievement lie only in the mind.
13. An idle mind is a demon's workshop.
14. Justice exists for those who live according the Way, as these are one and the same.
15. Be happy without cause and make the best of what you have.
16. True friendship knows no boundaries.
17. It is a humble virtue to be wealthy and not affected by it.
18. Cause and effect are mutually consistent.
19. Despair is the conclusion of fools. Tomorrow's success is built upon yesterday's failures. Live in the here and now. Do not seek more but learn to enjoy less.

SOURCE: Patrick McCarthy 1995. The Bible of Karate: Bubishi. Tuttle Publishing.

Tale of Two Students

The following accounts are true and happened this past week. Names have been changed for obvious reasons.

Marge has been training at our school for about three years. She works two jobs, has a young child and is occasionally harassed by her loutish ex-husband that she finally managed to get an order of protection from. Three nights ago this dumbass shows up at her apartment, drunk and feeling amorous, and grabs Marge by her wrists. Big mistake. I teach two counters for this maneuver. Marge used variation #2: hop back into neko-dachi and forward leg kick the assailant in the groin. Her ex drops like a sack of bricks, gets up, swings with a haymaker that barely misses and is greeted with a projectile glass pitcher to the head (not taught by me). The jerk runs out of her place bleeding from a nasty head wound while Marge goes to a neighbor to call the police. (Fortunately her youngster was with a relative while all of this was going down.) He's in jail now for a variety of charges and is recovering from a mild concussion. Marge showed me the glass pitcher she hurled at this guy. It never broke, the thing's huge and feels like it weighs about ten pounds. He should consider himself lucky to be alive. Marge is doing okay and attributes her training to her ability to survive and get through all of this.

Stan is another intermediate trainee with a few years under his belt. He's thirtysomething, single, and works in an office for a big company. Recently he was awarded with an "Employee of the Month" certificate that, among other things, entitles him to a reserved parking spot. A co-worker took it upon himself to steal Stan's hard-earned parking spot which is clearly marked for these kind of employees. Stan locates the guy and politely but firmly tells him not to do that again while that spot is reserved for him. The space-stealer apologizes profusely and hasn't done it since. One could say that Stan had an attachment to his reserved spot at work; that he felt entitled to it, which he was. But Stan saw this in a bigger and broader context. Before karate training Stan saw himself as non-confrontational and fearful of standoffs of any kind. Stan's ability to speak up for himself like this was unprecedented and the experience left him feeling liberated and at ease.

Stories like this are meaningful because they illustrate how valuable karate practice can be. Marge's case was extreme; her life was at risk and she had no choice but to resort to the jutsu or technical aspects of karate to protect herself. Thank god she's alright, and I've been given good reason to believe that this episode won't repeat itself for her.

Stan's story was far less dramatic—he was never in any physical danger—but his self-respect was at stake. He was not acquainted at all with the co-worker who took his parking spot and had no idea how confronting him would turn out. Given this uncertainty, Stan was nonetheless resolved to fix this problem and conducted himself admirably.

Both students exemplify the spirit of karate-do: The ability and willingness to take one's training outside the dojo with effective and positive results.